after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Randomize
