You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
