She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
