so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
