I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
