And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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