i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
