3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
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