tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
