So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
