Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I puked a lego.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
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