be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
