I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
