Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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