eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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