If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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