If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
