if i can run in heels then i can drive
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
is that a dick in a sweater?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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