I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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