I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
