D3 body, D1 cock
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
