he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
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