so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The adults are the big ones right?
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