Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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