Yo dont text me then not text me
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
