It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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