perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
