I'm eating all of the evidence.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
