I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
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