you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
