sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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