Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
