So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
