Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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