i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
