Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
