3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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