Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
