I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Oh god it's open bar.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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