dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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