I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
