It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
