Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
