Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
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I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
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Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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