Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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