is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
