and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
