I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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