if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
