I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
