im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
