im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
