it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
