he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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