I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
