my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
