If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
