i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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