I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
