you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize