i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
