I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
