You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Randomize
