I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
