he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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