I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
