So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
