Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My penis needs a shock collar
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
