I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
