I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
