I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
