its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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