I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
