please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
