man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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