Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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