At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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