i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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