3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
time to smoke my breakfast
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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