He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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