i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
how drunk are you?
Several
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
