Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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