I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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