You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
