Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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