So drunk, too bad you don't want this
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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